You’re Making Us Look Bad

Hello my people.  In a moment, I’m going to explain why I’m a total pagan snob.  Then I’ll tell you a story that reinforces my elitism.  

Well, not this case in particular, but occurrences like this make me hesitate to tell people I’m Pagan.  In general, I dislike people who claim to be Pagan.  Most of them don’t call it that, they say Wiccan, which increasingly makes my skin crawl.  

A little background first.  I’m openly Pagan.  You’d never guess it to look at me.  I neither wear nor own pentacle jewelry, I’m not a goth, I don’t greet people with “merry meet” and I don’t say “blessed be” when I’m pleased with something.  I was raised Pagan, I didn’t convert.  As such, I have no deep-seated need to rebel against society in some way, be it fashion, lifestyle, or otherwise.  I’m not a member of a coven, I (almost) never cast spells, and the only thing I do skyclad (naked) is bathe, f**k and sleep.  I have no special powers (and chances are neither does any other Pagan, no matter what they tell you).  I’m nothing like what you see in movies or TV.  I even usually vote Republican.  I’m just an old-fashioned polytheist.

I don’t mean to sound so bitter.  Look, I don’t mind someone being Pagan if they’re actually supposed to be Pagan.  By that I mean they are genuinely divinely inspired to be Pagan.  Unfortunately that is not the case.  Many so-called Pagans are just disgruntled Christians.  They’re rebelling against their parents, or they want to join a belief system that will let them do whatever they want.  No belief system lets you live any old way.  Live destructively and your life turns to pot.  This is why there’s a high rate of recidivism among Pagan converts, but that’s a post for another time.   

My story is about a co-worker in my unit (I’m in the Army).  We’ll call him Dan.  Dan is a good guy with a big heart, but not too bright.  Dan’s marriage is on the brink of collapse.  While he was deployed, his wife (whom we’ll call Renee) “converted” to Wicca.  Not long after, she cheated on him with the guy who converted her (we’ll call him Dirk).  When on the verge of being caught, she confessed and expected her Protestant husband to instantly adopt her laissez-faire belief system and forgive him.  

When he was understandably and justifiably hurt and angered, she actually took offense!  She wanted him to forgive her instantly, no questions asked.  This broad actually demanded that she be rewarded for her honesty.  When that ploy didn’t work, she attacked him for his “religious intolerance,” citing that the adultery was some sort of Wiccan ritual.  Then she feeds him lines about having special powers like – I’m not kidding – “reading his aurora.”  

Yeah.  

It gets worse.  When she calls Dirk’s name in her sleep, she claims that in her dreams she’s being attacked by wolves and only he can save her.  Then she claims that Dirk is her teacher, and that she has to live with him for a year and a day for one-on-one study.  

Can you believe this crap?

I don’t make any effort to hide my religious beliefs, but stories like this make me hesitate before disclosing my religion.  I may be Pagan, but I’m also an American.  A libertarian, patriotic American, mind you.  These things are not mutually exclusive.  I have morals and standards.  I understand and can differentiate between right and wrong.  I live by rules, and I understand that one cannot do whatever one pleases in life.  Many so-called Pagans avoid this way of thinking, attracted to alternative religions in the hope that they can do whatever they want and get away with it.  

To my fellow  Pagans who behave thusly, I say STOP!  You are the reason we are ostracized in our society, with your “do as thou wilt” mentality.  Being Pagan does not give you a get-out-of-moral-consequence-free card!  Your lifestyle discredits those of us who are trying to be productive members of society.  You are making us look bad!